


To Earth and Back

by multishiphellqueen



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Hurt and comfort, ITS ALL ANGST, Kidge - Freeform, Other, They're all just really sad and stressed, after the war, for everyone, no really, sensitive topics, shance, will update tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 08:23:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15092909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multishiphellqueen/pseuds/multishiphellqueen
Summary: The team finally made it home. The war is over, and after five years of being in space, and not seeing their families, the team is ready to go home. When they get back, they're allowed to go home, and Allura, and Coran are offered a place to stay as long as they like on earth.They want nothing but for things to be normal, but they soon realize that nothing will ever be the same again. Their old lives will never come back, and nothing will ever be easy again. So they take comfort in each other, and become even closer than before.After all, they have nothing left without each other. Might as well embrace it.





	1. Chapter 1

Keith thought he would've missed his little shack in the desert. He thought that he would've been grateful for the privacy after five years of being in close quarters with six other people. He wasn't anticipating how lonely it was. The team was spread out across the US, and some were even further, so it wasn't like they could just come over either. He wished they could though. He missed them.

The war was finally done, they had returned to earth, and been heralded as heroes by the world, though it didn't feel that way at first. The US government had them vetted, and after a very long month of being treated like wild animals they were free to go home. Shiro, Pidge, Matt, and Keith had all stayed in sort of the same area. They all lived in Arizona before they left, so it wasn't like they were too far. Lance and Hunk however? They might as well have been on another planet. Lance went back to Cuba, to be with his family again, and Hunk was off to Washington again, to be with his family too.

Everyone else had a family to go home to. Everyone else had a home to go to. Keith didn't. His mom had opted to stay with the Blades, seeing as she suspected Earth wouldn't be too receptive to a very obviously Galra alien. He couldn't blame her, but he wished she had come with them. He finally found her, and now he had to leave her again.

So now, he had the small house he grew up in, and nobody. He didn't have much to do, and he didn't really have anyone either, so he got involved with the UN's efforts to make alliances with foreign planets. He documented all the planets Voltron had visited that he remembered, and listed if they were inhabited, if they were hostile, and handled so much paperwork he thought he'd never get through it.

Everything had been going alright, or at least that's what he told himself, but he still couldn't shake the hollow feeling. He felt like he was missing something. Something important. He didn't like it one bit, but he couldn't fix it, to do that he'd need to know what the problem was. So instead he buried himself in work.

Not too far away the Holt family wasn't doing so well either. Colleen had been very attached and hovered a lot over her family, with good reason. Sam, Matt, and Pidge were not doing too hot. Matt couldn't stand being left alone, and if he was alone too long they discovered it resulted in panic attacks. He specifically preferred to be around his sister, though that posed several issues, the biggest being that she wanted the opposite. 

She loved her family to death, sure, but she found herself unable to be near them for too long. She couldn't tell you why, but it made her anxious and irritable. She couldn't help but think that none of them understood it properly, none of them got it. So she closed herself off. She became almost exclusively nocturnal to avoid her family, because she felt guilty for feeling the way she did. She couldn't deal with it.

Pidge also started working to form alliances, though most of the work she did was with the tech side of things. She could do that without actually facing people, so she spent her time making communication devices that could broadcast to other planets. She also helped deconstruct and explain how Altean and Galran tech worked, showing the world leaders what they did. 

But nothing was the same. Pidge hated to admit it, but she missed fighting the Galra. She missed the war. Everything made sense to her back then. She had a purpose, and she knew what to do. She knew she was doing the right thing. But on earth, nothing made sense anymore. Her emotions were too complicated, nothing was obviously the right thing to do. So, she just withdrew. She ignored the feelings.

Shiro was also doing terrible. He tried to go back to normal. He tried to go back to the Garrison, but everything there was a reminder of not only what happened on Kerberos, but what happened when he came back. He hadn't been conscious for long, but he remembered being strapped to the table like a rabid animal.

He tried visiting his family, but his parents treated him like a glass doll that was ready to fall apart. He loved them, but they treated him like he was fragile, and damaged. Despite their best efforts he knew they didn't like his metal prosthetic either. They were scared of it. He couldn't blame them. He was scared of it too.

He eventually just got his own apartment and stayed there. They all got compensation from the government, and it was more than enough to live on for at least a few decades, so that's what he planned to do.

Hunk had come back to a fragment of the family he had left. His moms had separated, and remarried and he apparently had several younger siblings. He had been thrust into a new family dynamic when he got back, and he was not a fan. He bounced between houses, but neither felt like home. His parents treated him both like a delinquent that was bad for his younger siblings, and like he'd break if they even looked at him funny.

Much like Shiro, he eventually just settled for his own place, a small apartment on the outskirts of Seattle. He found a volunteer position at a hospice, and spent his time with the patients that didn't have family. Oddly enough he found himself relating to them. He still had both his moms sure, but both had new families. They had pretty much replaced him, and despite their best efforts, neither really welcomed him into their life. He wasn't part of either family really.

The more he thought about it, the more he missed his team. He'd count them as family more than his parents now. They had been through a war together after all. Hunk would trust any of them with his life in a heartbeat, and they knew each other so well. He used to think his moms were the ones that knew him best, and that they always would, but now he wasn't so sure. He felt guilty realizing it, he didn't want to feel like his parents weren't family. But he couldn't help it. They just weren't close to him anymore. Not as close as the team.

Lance thought returning home would be the best day of his life. He had such high hopes. He'd go back, and see his family, see the animals, meet the new additions to the family, and be part of the family again. Maybe be the cool mysterious uncle even.

Boy was he wrong. Things had changed, and not for the better. His dad had died not too long before he came back, and his oldest sister had a miscarriage not even a week before he came home. He hadn't come at a great time. He tried to help, but he found himself getting in the way, not able to hear warnings, and talking too loud. He went out one day only to discover he was going deaf. The fact his weapons of choice were mostly guns that were very close to his ears had left him with irreversible damage that was only getting worse.

On top of that, no matter what he tried, he couldn't fit into the family again. The smaller kids didn't know him, the older kids only had vague memories, and the adults had adapted to life without him. Even his mom didn't seem to know how to reincorporate him into the family. He was stuck on the outside. Again.

Allura was in hell. She had decided to stay on earth, and she despised it. It was just enough like Altea to remind her of it constantly, but the differences were obvious, and constantly reminded her that it wasn't her home. She had an apartment with Coran, which was almost always empty. Coran had decided to help with diplomacy efforts in her place, so she could have a break, and as a result was always gone, leaving Allura to adjust alone.

She found herself exposed to human media incessantly, and also found herself getting very weird and hostile looks when she left her house. She'd also get the odd comment, telling her to "go back to her own planet" or she'd overhear a mother telling her children to stay away. The general consensus to her presence was fear and anger.

So, she slowly started to try an blend in. At first she was adamant that she'd stay proud of her Altean heritage, that she'd keep her pride, but it was soon forgotten when she walked outside. She was too different. Too alien.

Makeup and hair dye became her saviour. She covered her Altean marks with foundation and concealer, and she dyed her hair brown to fit in. It got to a point where she could hardly look at herself without makeup. She was disgusted by her marks. She was scared of them. They weren't normal, therefore they were ugly. They weren't acceptable. They had to go.

None of them were happy. Nothing was like they had hoped it would be. They only had each other, nothing else, and now they were scattered across the Americas, too far to see each other. Without each other they were alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Keith hadn't slept in three days. He couldn't. He wouldn't. The nightmares weren't simply just nightmares anymore, they weren't just dreams anymore. They had turned into night terrors, and the amount of times Keith had woken up on the floor, his room trashed, and bruises all over his body was enough to deter him from sleeping.

He had only slept once that week, and that was so he could record what the hell was happening. He had played back the recording and saw himself crying and thrashing about in bed, screaming for help. Then he had gotten up, and started to fight anything vaguely human shaped. He had also broken the mirror, which explained his bloody hand.

It didn't help that he knew exactly what he had been dreaming about in that moment. It was a recurring dream he had, and it was his worst fear. He had been dreaming that the team was being caught and killed in front of him while he fought to save them. The dream always ended just as Shiro was being killed. Always. He had never saved them once, instead watching them die a gruesome death one by one. Sometimes it was Lotor who was killing them, sometimes Haggar, and sometimes even Zarkon, but it didn't matter who killed them. They always did it the most horrifying ways.

So that's why he was awake at three in the morning, writing frantically. He had to get the paperwork done as quickly as possible. There was an expedition being sent to a certain quadrant of the universe, and Keith knew that so much as stepping foot on the planet was a death wish. The planet's atmosphere was unbreathable, it also had a gravitational pull strong enough to pull a ship in, and it was near impossible to take off again. A few Blade members had gone on a mission there and had died in a day.

He yawned and rubbed his eyes, slapping himself a little so he'd stay awake, and steeled himself to get through the last paragraph. Just a few more sentences and he could send it. The keyboard was nearly deafening, and the screen was so bright. It illuminated his face in the pitch black of the small house, and burned his eyes as he finished his work. He saved and sent it, putting it in the right file before turning around gratefully. He blinked his eyes to try and relieve the burning but to no avail.

He got up and went to the fridge, finding that there wasn't really anything there. He didn't really know what he expected. It had been pretty much empty for days now. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't gone grocery shopping in three weeks now. Which meant he also hadn't been out of the house in the same amount of time. He sighed and shut the fridge door and turned on the kitchen light, wincing at the bright light. He looked down at himself and shrugged, figuring his shorts and black shirt were probably fine to go out shopping in.

Since returning to earth he had gotten an actual car, finding that now he didn't have to scrounge or steal his food it was easier to put groceries in it. That being said, he wasn't particularly a fan of driving the beat up old thing. He much preferred his bike. Still, he had to eat, and he wanted as little human contact as possible, so this was his best bet. He checked the time and saw it was now half past three, and thanked god that he lived in an area of Arizona that had twenty four hour grocery stores. 

"Alright sweetheart, your total is two hundred twenty five twenty five," the old woman behind the counter chirped cheerfully. Keith knew her well, seeing as she worked night shifts during the week, and he really only shopped at night.

"Here you go," he said, offering her a small smile and handing her two fifty instead. He waved her away, telling her to keep the change when she tried to hand his back to him.

"Alright, you have a nice night dear. Get some sleep too," she said lovingly as he left, pushing the cart out. He smiled and waved to her, feeling a bit better after that. At least the old lady at Safeway cared about him.

He loaded the groceries into the car and put the cart away, sitting in his car tiredly. He put his seatbelt on and froze, suddenly finding himself being struck by loneliness. He pulled his phone out of his pocket quickly, and looked through his contacts. He mentally wrote off four of them before finally calling the only one left.

"Keith? What are you doing up? Why are you calling?" A rough and scratchy voice asked after they picked up.

"Oh good you're up. I need a favour Pidge," he said, feeling really stupid as he asked.

"Does it include me leaving the house?" She asked, a clattering noise could be heard in the background.

"Yeah,"

"Say no more, I'll meet you outside my house. How far off are you?" She asked, sounding vaguely excited.

"Ten minutes, see you," Keith replied, smiling. She echoed him and they hung up. He started the car and started driving to where he knew her house was, thrilled that he would be able to see someone from the team. He hadn't wanted to bother any of the others, and he knew she'd be awake.

He picked her up and she looked grateful to just be out of the house. He drove them back to his house, and she helped unload the groceries, putting them all away except for a frozen pizza he had gotten, which they opted to cook.

"So is that all you wanted me to do?" She asked, looking rather amused.

"Yeah, pretty much. Just been a while since I saw y'all," he confessed, shrugging as she laughed.

"Really? 'Y'all'? God, what a southerner you are," she laughed, leaning against the counter.

"You're one to talk! On the way over here you said ain't enough times to put a cowboy to shame!" He protested, laughing. He missed this. The easy atmosphere he had with the Paladins. He had never been a people person, and never really sought out anyone's company other than Shiro, but now that he finally had a family he wanted to be around them.

They talked and joked around, sitting in the living room eating pizza until the sun came up. He hadn't talked this much with someone in ages, and despite that he wasn't tired, he wasn't sick of talking with her. It was easy to talk to her, and he didn't have to force himself to talk, he just wanted to.

Hours passed and their conversation devolved into venting, which neither was upset about. Truth be told they needed it.

"I love Matt, I do. But I just, I can't be around him, or any of them for that matter," Pidge sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest and looking at the ceiling. "I don't know why, I just get so frustrated around them. I have no reason to. I shouldn't feel like that but I do," she added.

"Well, I mean it's not like you can help it. Feelings don't always make sense, which I can understand. Sometimes they just are, and you have to just acknowledge them and try to move on," he said softly, trying to comfort her.

"Yeah, you're right. Just wish it was easier. I know I'm gonna sound like a sociopath for saying this, but I miss the war," she mumbled. "Everything was simple. There was no time for complicated emotions," she explained.

"But here that's all we have time for," Keith replied, filling in her sentence. Pidge looked at him and nodded, looking relieved. "I can understand that. Its hard to process all of it after suppressing it for years," he said.

They talked for so long, about everything. Keith even told her about his night terrors, and how scared he was to sleep. Eventually they ended up on the same side of the couch, cuddling and laying together. He had put on the tv for background noise, though it was quickly forgotten as both of them fell asleep. Keith was finally relaxed enough to sleep, though he really didn't want to. Despite that, he drifted off silently.


	3. Chapter 3

Before she went to Keith's house, Pidge also wasn't doing too hot. She was alternating between over-sleeping and not sleeping at all. She hadn't slept for a good day when Keith called her, and she had been working on a new model for a communicator.

This one was supposed to produce a 3D image of the person or people you were talking to, and was supposed to make the other planets feel more at ease, because it would simulate having the diplomat there in person. But she couldn't figure out how to sync up the audio and visuals properly so there wouldn't. Be any weird pauses. It was tearing her apart.

She was relieved when Keith had called, it gave her an excuse to stop worrying about the stupid device. She was also glad for an excuse to leave before anyone else woke up. Since they got back, her family was driving her nuts. She couldn't stand it. Her mom was always hovering, her dad was insistent on her telling him exactly where she was going, when, and who she was with. Matt was just always around, always fluttering around her, asking questions incessantly, and touching things he shouldn't. She knew he was smart and that he would probably be a big help, but she couldn't help but think of him like Lance. Someone who was inexperienced, unprofessional and just in the way.

Pidge hated to think of either of them like that, but she couldn't help it. She felt bad about it, and the guilt was nearly suffocating, but nothing she did changed her mind.

She was relieved to spend time with Keith though. She hadn't seen any of the Paladins since they went their separate ways, and they rarely talked either. It was nice to hear from him. It was also nice to talk to someone who understood. Someone who knew how she felt.

They fell asleep together, Pidge laying on top of Keith, and for a while it was okay. That was until she found herself on the ground. She looked around in confusion, wincing as her back and head throbbed in pain. She thought she just fell at first, until she heard the bloodcurdling scream.

She sat up to see Keith thrashing about, screaming loudly. At first she thought he was hurt, until she realized that he was still asleep. He looked terrified, even as he slept.

She watched on in fear, as he thrashed about, screaming incoherently. She could vaguely make out a few words, like "no" and "stop", but otherwise it was just screeching.

"Keith? Keith?" She asked, reaching out to touch him. His response was to swing at her, and she just barely scrambled out of the way. He swung again and caught her in the jaw, hard. She stood and scrambled away as he kept thrashing, watching in horror as he screeched. She wasn't religious by any stretch of the imagination, but she felt like maybe she should've been in that moment, because she really could've used some holy water right then.

It continued on for what felt like an eternity, before he woke up screaming, tears running down his face. He stared at the wall, no doubt paralyzed by fear as he sobbed. Pidge had never seen him like this. He looked so scared and vulnerable, like a scared child. He was clearly hyperventilating, so she tentatively took a step forward.

"K-Keith? It's me," she said softly, unsure of what to do. She wasn't good with emotions. Literally any of the other Paladins would've known what to do. Shiro was close to Keith so he would've known how to help, Lance was annoyingly perceptive and knew how to distract, and Hunk was easily the best at comforting. She wasn't any of that. She knew machines, by people, and she felt completely helpless and useless.

Keith turned to her, startled as pure unbridled fear flashed in his eyes, through the river of tears flowing from them. He sobbed out, curling up and wrapping his arms around himself, rocking back and forth. He looked confused, like he had no clue what was going on, but also like he had seen something truly horrific.

Pidge walked over slowly and wrapped her arms around him, holding onto him as they rocked back and forth. She sat beside him and eventually coaxed him into sitting normally, leaning on her gently as she rubbed his shoulder gently. He calmed down after a while and they sat in silence, together.

"Sorry," he whispered, holding onto her arm softly. He had his head in her lap while she played with his hair. 

"For what?" She asked, smiling softly at him as she toyed with his bangs, brushing them back.

"I hit you," he said matter-of-factly, his hand ghosting over the red spot on her jaw where a bruise was forming.

"You couldn't help it. You were asleep, and scared," she said with a shrug, grabbing his hand and holding onto it. He smiled softly at that, squeezing her hand gently.

Normally neither of them were very touchy, especially Keith. But right now? They both needed it. They were both stressed, scared, and dealing with a whole new world. They had nobody else that understood, and they were both so starved of affection that they needed it. So they stayed there for an hour, just looking at each other. Keith's hand gently holding hers, and her free hand playing with his hair, braiding and twisting it mindlessly.

They didn't fall asleep again, but they stayed where they were nearly all day. They were content to stay in each other's company. They didn't feel the need to fill the comfortable silence, because just being there, together in that moment was enough.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BLOOD TW

Lance sighed as he stared at his bleeding arms, scratches covering them completely. Scattered amongst the new wounds were old scars, and scabs. They littered his skin, which was now dyed in red. That stupid rooster. He hated it, and it hated him. He washed off the blood in the sink, which was now also a shade of pink from the blood. He scrunched his face up as he grabbed a cotton ball and some rubbing alcohol.

It burned like all hell, and he nearly but through his lip while cleaning the wounds, but he knew he had to clean them unless he wanted to be useless for two weeks. Well, more useless. The only reason he took on the job of tending to the hens and consequently facing off with the rooster, was because it was the only way he could be useful. His hearing was going away rapidly, and every doctor he talked to told him the same thing. He was going deaf and there was nothing they could do. So he couldn't help in the kitchen, because he was in the way and couldn't hear, he couldn't help with the kids, he couldn't hear them properly. So he offered to deal with the hens. Bad choice.

He wrapped his arms in bandages, mostly so he wouldn't get blood on anything. This had been his morning routine for weeks now. Wake up, tend to the chickens, tend to his wounds. He didn't complain though. He knew his family was trying to adjust to him being back. They had a lot to deal with, considering his sister just had a miscarriage, and their dad just died. Lance wanted to grieve with them, but they weren't ready to have him around again.

It hurt a lot, but he had decided to suck it up. They were his family, and family came first. So he'd sweep his issues under the rug and try to be as helpful as he could. Even if that meant being constantly mauled by their rooster. He turned off the faucet and stepped out of the washroom, and walked to his room, which was the guest room, to find his older sister Veronica waiting for him.

"Hey! Lance! I was wondering if you wanted to go Christmas shopping with me today," she said, hopping up. Lance agreed excitedly, hoping this meant that things were turning around.

They headed into town together, and she seemed worried about something, but brushed it off when he asked her about it. Lance hadn't wanted to get his gifts yet, not while he was with anyone. So it was mostly him helping her pick out gifts for the rest of the family.

They decided to stop in a coffee shop for a small break, and they got some coffee and a muffin. They sat down by the window, and Veronica sighed.

"We need to talk," she said softly, staring at the table. Lance's heart sunk, this couldn't be good, it never was.

"About what?" He asked, trying to be hopeful, trying to convince himself that it would be okay. But Veronica's body language said otherwise.

"Christmas," she said. "I love you, I do. We all do, but we think that it may be best that you......not join us this year," she said softly, not looking at him.

"Wait what? What do you mean?" He asked, his brows furrowing. Tears jumped to his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Not until he knew for sure.

"We, we uh don't want you to be there. It's too much too soon. With dad gone and-" he cut her off, standing up abruptly, scrabbling at his face. He glared at her, his eyes overflowing with tears.

"Yeah, yeah I get it. You lost dad. You forget that I lost him too," he spat quietly. She flinched and looked down, clearly crying too.

"I'm sorry, we just-"

"No, no I get it. You don't want me around. Well congrats, you got what you want. I'm leaving," he said, his voice cracking painfully. He didn't let her say anything more before turning away and walking out. He wiped at his tears frantically as he walked through the mall hallways to the parking lot. He was well aware of the stares he was getting, the odd looks, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

He got to his car, and pulled his phone out, turning the call volume all the way up and dialling Shiro first. He didn't stop himself to think about the fact he hadn't talked to any of the other Paladins since he left for Cuba. He just needed to talk to them. The phone rang, and no answer. He tried again. Still nothing. He tried Hunk. Nothing. Keith, nothing. Pidge, nothing. Even Matt and Allura. No answer. He let out a choked sob, staring bitterly at the steering wheel in front of him. Of course. Why did he think they'd answer. They have their own lives now. They're happy. They didn't need him.

He started the car and drove out of the mall parking lot, and back to the house. He walked past several family members, not even acknowledging them, and got to his room. He grabbed a small suitcase and started piling clothes into it, barely looking at what he was putting in the suitcase. He also slipped into the washroom, grabbing all his toiletries and also stuffing them in the suitcase. Wen he looked up he saw his mom watching him, tears running down her face. She had been saying something. She looked crestfallen.

"Please, that's not what we meant," she said, though to Lance it sounded like she was under water. Whether that was because of his anger or because of his hearing he wasn't sure. Lance looked down, knowing he'd break down if he stayed any longer. He could already feel the angry tears pricking at his eyes.

He zipped up the suitcase and pulled it off the bed, looking his mom in the eye one last time. He gave her a stiff one armed hug, slyly switching their places, and let go quickly, striding out of the house.

Tears were streaming down his face, and he was trying to keep from completely losing it. He only had so much left in him. He went to the car, loading the suitcase into it. His mom and older brothers were all at the door now, watching him. They were talking, but Lance couldn't hear them. He never could. Not that they cared.

He started the car and gave them all one last look, and saw nothing but a sea of disapproval. Like he didn't have a right to be angry. Like he had no reason to be upset. He hated it. From the second he got back they had been acting like he wasn't hurting too. He was done.

He backs out of the driveway, and turned onto the road, driving away as tears flowed down his face steadily. He passed another car on the way, that he knew for a fact was his sister, because he could see her. He kept driving, biting the inside of his mouth, not even noticing as the taste of copper started appearing. He just bit down harder.

His phone rang loudly, and he chanced a glance at it, seeing it was Shiro. He was calling back. Something about that was the straw that broke the camel's back. He pulled onto the side of the road and answered, a choked sob forcing its way up his throat.

"Lance? Are you okay? You called earlier, I'm sorry I missed it," a familiar voice sounded from the other end. Lance immediately broke down, sobbing loudly, nearly suffocated by each sob.

"Lance? Lance? Are you okay? What happened? Do you need help?" The questions came rapidly, and honestly, he couldn't answer any of them. "Breathe, take a deep breath for me, okay? Tell me what happened," Shiro tried, sounding concerned. Lance took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

"They don't want me," he whimpered, trying to keep the oncoming sobs at bay. The other end was silence, and he couldn't tell if Shiro hadn't heard him, had hung up, or was just being quiet.

"Lance, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" He asked, answering finally. He sounded heartbroken.

"No," Lance admitted, his voice feeble and honestly kind of pathetic. He couldn't help but laugh at himself a little. A former defender of the universe, was now sitting in his car, and crying because he wasn't wanted. Pathetic.

"Where are you? Where can I meet you?" He asked. Lance could only just barely hear the slamming of a door.

"I'm about halfway between my mom's house and Veradero," he said.

"Stay put, I'll be there in a day or so," Shiro replied. He sounded very adamant on that, so though Lance was tempted to just shove his feelings aside again and argue, he could hear the finality that was in his voice, which left no room for debate.

"Okay, I'll send you the address of where I'm staying," Lance said, his voice strained. He couldn't help but feel incredibly grateful. He needed someone badly, that he couldn't deny.

They wrapped up the conversation, and hung up, Lance taking deep breaths and wiping his eyes as the guilt set it. How selfish was it of him to make a scene, and force Shiro to come and baby him. Still, he was making the trip. It'd be even worse to just send him home while he was halfway there. He pulled himself together and drove into town, to the motel he knew was there. He paid for three nights, anticipating that Shiro might want to stay longer, and got two beds. It was the least he could do.

He settled himself into the hotel, and sat on the bed. His phone rang loudly, light flashing brightly from it. He had turned on the flashing so he'd know when someone was trying to call or text him, seeing as eventually he wouldn't be able to hear it. He looked at the ID, and saw it was Veronica. He tossed the phone away, and pulled his knees up to his chest, staring at the screen as he wrapped his arms around his knees.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minor TW- blood/injury mention

Shiro hadn't been adjusting well to life on earth again. The Paladins had become worldwide celebrities pretty much, though rarely did anyone approach them. The other Paladins might've had an easier time, but Shiro didn't exactly blend in. After all he did have one terrifying mechanic arm that the Garrison made for him (with Pidge's assistance of course) and some gnarly scars. Not to mention the bright white hair on his head. Overall it was a recipe for disaster every time he walked out the door.

He could feel the eyes following him every time he walked out of his apartment. On a good day it was uncomfortable and made him anxious. On a bad day it was panic attacks, flashbacks and puking. So it wasn't exactly fun when he had to go get groceries every once in a while. But he did enjoy talking to people. They'd occasionally come up, nervously thank him and ask if they could hug him. Though his favourites by far were the toddlers and younger kids who said that his arm reminded them of their favourite superhero, and his hair was cool. 

His family was another problem. They treated him like he was made of the world's thinnest glass, tip-toeing around him like they would with a rabid animal. It was bad. His normally loud and boisterous younger brother was always soft spoken and careful around him. His mom would hover around him and his dad was always indirectly checking on how he was doing. Which would be okay in their own, if they didn't explain everything to him like he was a child. The original plan had been for him to live with them for a year or two, and then try and move back into the world, but he just couldn't do it. He needed to be on his own. 

He had been on his way home from grocery shopping when Lance called the first few times, but after an incident where Shiro nearly broke his phone after it startled him, he had it on silent. So he didn't hear him call. When he finally checked his phone a little while later, he immediately called back. During the call he was already packing his stuff, and getting in the car to go meet up with Lance.

If he was honest, a big reason why he was going was because he missed the Paladins. They hadn't really stayed in touch much at all, so it was kinda lonely. But he was also going because he could hear how incredibly devastated Lance sounded. He wasn't one to openly admit when something was wrong, so it was urgent.

Even with a plane ride it was a long trip. So even though he got a last minute plane ticket for a flight that left at two in the morning somehow, he knew he'd probably be a day out. And boy was it one long ass day. The plane was okay, though not ideal. He did manage to sleep through it, despite being cramped and the woman beside him staring incessantly at his prosthetic arm. There was a layover in Florida and he took that opportunity to decide what the hell his plan even was when he finally got to Veradero. 

Ultimately he just wanted to be there for Lance. He was completely alone, no family, nothing. They had also received news of his hearing deteriorating, which Shiro knew Lance was devastated about. He knew from experience that Lance relied on his hearing a lot. He liked to sing, listen to music, and Shiro had even found him dancing on occasion. It was one of the few things they could rely on; Lance belting out some popular song constantly. Despite Keith and Pidge complaining he knew that without it they'd probably go nuts. They almost did after he was in the cryopod after a fight once.

The layover was short-lived, and Shiro was on another plane once more, headed for Veradero. Once again it was a very uneventful flight, and he was grateful to be on land again when he got there. Lance had talked a lot about Veradero on the castle/ship, but words couldn't describe how pretty it was.

It was around 2pm in Veradero when they landed, and it was pretty warm. It was mildly cloudy but already Shiro was in awe of the beautiful sights, just from the airport. He texted Lance to say he had landed and he went to the baggage carousel. He grabbed his stuff, and did everything he needed to, before walking out. There was an abundance of cabs, so he had no trouble finding a cab. The issue was communicating with the driver. Most of the other drivers were fluent in English, but she was having some trouble.

Eventually she understood, and he got to the hotel where Lance was staying. He was able to pay in American money, since he didn't exactly have any pesos on him. He figured it out and went to the room number Lance had provided and knocked loudly on the door. The second he answered, Shiro pulled him into a hug. Lance almost immediately started sobbing into his chest in response, not having had a real hug in months.

It took several minutes for them to separate, Lance helping Shiro to bring his stuff in, and plopping down on his bed. It was then that Shiro got a good look at him in the dim yellow tinted lights of the hotel room. His hair was curly and unkempt, his eyes dull and sunken, the exhaustion visible from his posture and the dark rings around his eyes. The small smile he offered was weak, and didn't reach his eyes. His eyes drifted to the bandages on Lance's arms, and he could see the faintest splash of brownish red bleeding through the bandages, clearly dried blood. He frowned and sat in front of Lance, pulling one of his arm closer.

He unwrapped the bandage on one, holding his arm close as Lance tried to pull it away, stopping once Shiro had seen part of his arm. As he unwound the bandage he frowned, seeing the gashes, some scarred over, some scabbed over, a few looking like they'd still bleed if Lance moved wrong. He took the bandage off his other arm to find the same thing cross-crossing his forearms.

"What happened?" Shiro asked, his voice a whisper. He was taken aback by the state of his arms. It looked like he had been mauled.

"My family has chickens, and they got a rooster to protect them. I couldn't tend to the hens without dealing with him, so I had to put him in another cage so I could work. He didn't like me much," he said, making a half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood.

"Didn't you tell anyone? Ask for help?" Shiro asked, tracing over one of the more prominent scars with his finger. It was red, and angry looking, swelling up away from the rest of his tan skin.

"They were already dealing with so much, I couldn't make it worse for them. I only took the job so I could be useful," he said, trying to disguise the cracking of his voice and the small sniff he gave. Shiro wordlessly wrapped him up in another hug, holding him to his chest tightly.

"Lance you shouldn't need to prove your worth. You don't need to show you're useful," he said softly, rubbing circles into his back. "You're worth so much more than you think," he added in a whisper.

They stayed like that for god knows how long, clinging to each other before Shiro pulled away. He told Lance to wait and went to his suitcase, grabbing out a small red back with a white cross on the front. He pulled the other to his feet gently, and to the bathroom. He cleaned the wounds properly, and applied a white cream to the cuts, his hands gentle. He wrapped his arms in gauze again, and pulled him back in for another hug.

"You gotta take care of yourself, we love you too much to lose you," he mumbled, resting his head in the crook of Lance's neck. 

After a bit of time they cleaned up the supplies and went back into the room, settling into one of the beds. Their plan was to watch some tv so they could both rest, though that resolve didn't last long. Lance was cuddled up to Shiro, reluctant to be too far after finally getting some sort of affection. His head was resting on Shiro's chest, rising and falling with each of his breaths, and he had his arms wrapped around his torso, and Shiro had an arm around Lance that was both comforting and protective.

Shiro was the first to drift off, his breathing growing slower and softer as he fell asleep. Though Lance wasn't far behind, falling asleep soon after, lulled to sleep by the soft noises coming from the tv, and Shiro's heartbeat. It had been so long since he had cuddled with anyone, he was so incredibly touch-starved at this point that it was a relief when Shiro got there. He finally felt better, like he was worth something to someone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TW- Blood, harassment, suicidal thoughts/suicide mention

Allura was in her own personal hell. Earth was so similar to Altea, but so different at the same time. It was horrible. She couldn't stand it. Every time she found a similarity she found a difference to match it. It was always just enough to make her mourn the old days, and remind her that she would never get to go back to Altea. She'd never go home again.

She thought living with Coran would ease the pain, but it didn't. He had devoted himself to working with the Unite Nations, in forming alliances with foreign planets. He was never around, always at a meeting, always on a trip to meet people. He had taken up the responsibility so Allura didn't have to. She was grateful but she almost wished he hadn't. She was left with so much free time, and she didn't want to bother the Paladins, she wanted to let them enjoy being back on earth. Being back home.

So she was left to her own devices. Which meant she looked through a lot of media. Which was a very bad idea. Headlines screamed at her, proclaiming that having two Alteans on earth was dangerous, and that she was a war-mongering monster. They called her barbaric, terrifying and cruel. It was a never-ending stream of insults being thrown at her. And she could forget entirely about walking outside their small apartment. Mothers would pull their children closer, people would lock their cars, and they would give her an obvious amount of space. Occasionally someone would yell at her, and teens would jeer.

It was bad. She couldn't stand it. Eventually she learned about makeup. Well, she already knew of it, and she had used it plenty on Altea and the castle, but on earth there were so many products she had never used before. Things like foundation, concealer, eyebrow pencils, and highlighter especially. It was all so foreign to her, but the more she learned, the more she liked it. It became her way of hiding. She watched videos and learned how to use foundation and concealer, which soon became her most used product. She managed to somehow conceal her Altean marks, but she still had a problem. Two actually.

Her hair was completely white, and while she knew humans used hair products to change the colour of their hair, she still stood out, and that was the opposite of what she wanted. There was also the issue of her eyes. As she learned by meeting the Paladins, her eyes would pose a problem, though there wasn't much she could do about that. So she opted to buy sunglasses.

Allura knew she could've probably shape-shifted to fix her hair, but the issue was she wanted nothing to do with it. She had started to become disgusted by herself and who she was. Disgusted by what she was. She was starting to believe what people said. She had killed so many people, she had pushed when she shouldn't have. She caused destruction, and she had brought mere children into a war. She wanted nothing to do with who she was. She wanted nothing to do with the monster she was.

It wasn't long before Allura cracked. She had bought hair dye not long ago, but hadn't yet gotten the courage to use it. She wasn't quite ready to say goodbye to Altea yet. The last remnant of her parents was their hair, which she had been lucky to get. But all it took was one last nudge. All it took was one last comment.

"Your planet deserved to be destroyed,".

The last push. The last straw.

Allura had immediately gone home, and that was the last time she dared step outside without makeup. She didn't even bother to buy the groceries she had. She just abandoned the basket and ran. She got home and locked herself in the washroom, tears pouring from her eyes as she sobbed.

She rifled through the drawer beneath the sink and found the scissors, only hesitating a moment before she started cutting her hair. She chopped it off at the shoulder, and disregarded the fact it was choppy and ugly. It didn't matter. She would be human soon.

She pulled out the dye, and immediately got to work, following the instructions the best that she could. Everything was in English, and it was so damn hard to read. Still, she figured it out, and just hours later, her hair was brown. She finally relaxed. She was normal. She fit in.

The comments still came though. They were different but they were still there. Still loud and clear. Men would yell at her as she walked down the streets, and they were vile, vulgar things. They would shout about what they wanted to do to her, and call her names that she didn't understand, but she knew were meant to be offensive. She knew they weren't good.

Allura wished she had appreciated Lance's playful flirting more. Wished she had been nicer about it. He had always been nothing but kind, and his compliments were never just about how she looked. He always expressed interest in all of her, not just her appearance. But it was too late. All she heard about was her appearance. It was never enough. She was still called filthy, disgusting, among other things. Her self worth dwindled with each word, and eventually she started believing it. And she hated herself for it.

She wanted to die.

But she kept going. Kept pushing onward. She couldn't tell you why. She knew she could give up at any point, knew she could end it. But she didn't. That didn't mean it wasn't tearing her apart though. She felt like she was being eaten alive from the inside out. 

Coran had come home from another diplomatic trip, to a place called France. It was nice enough, but he was honestly just glad to be home. Except something was missing, or rather someone. He couldn't find Allura, and it was worrying him. When he did find her though, it was both a relief and upsetting.

He found her, laying on the bathroom floor, amongst shards of broken glass, her hand bleeding profusely, and several small wounds all over her face and arms. His only remnants of home, the beautiful woman he'd practically raised as his own daughter was so entirely broken, and it was unbearable. He managed to get her off of the floor and steer the sobbing Allura into the living room, and bandages her hand, and pulled the glass shards from her skin carefully, before finally sitting beside her and hold her tightly.

"I'm disgusting," she sobbed, holding onto him as best as she could. His heart shattered at her words, and he wished that he had been around more, because if he was maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Maybe she wouldn't be so broken.


End file.
